The First Time

It has occurred to me that I haven't shared or written about my own coming out story.  At this point, I feel like I've said it over and over again.  But the whole point of doing this blog is to journal in a way that I feel comfortable.  And if it means that someone stumbles across here and reads it and feels less alone, then that works too.

It started the last week of June when one of my closest friends was visiting from Newfoundland.  It's a fair distance from where I live and I was excited to see her.  We planned for one visit to a nearby city where she was interviewing for a job.  We went out, had a great dinner and caught up in a major way.  She was talking about an unrequited love, and didn't know what to do about it.  We talked about it and had a good chat.  

And then it happened.  The thought that has been swirling in my mind for months would not go away.  I thought to myself: this is the perfect time, tell her you're gay.  This thought had come to mind a few different times before in the last month more strongly, but some combination of the closeness I was feeling with my friend and the safety in the situation made me do it.  I figured, if it didn't feel right, or I didn't like it- I could take it back.  Why not?  She lives on a rock in the middle of the North Atlantic.  Not like she was going to tell anyone.

So it came out.  If felt odd to say something out loud that I've known for quite some time.  And it was not completely comfortable.  But I felt this strange rush.  My world changed.  My friend was wonderful.  And then asked if I had shared with anyone else.  No, was my response, she was the first.  Was I going to tell my parents? was the next question.  My response?  Sure I would tell them.  But probably not until the fall or maybe the winter break in December.  I was in no rush.

And I wasn't.  Not at all.  Truly that night I was comforted with the knowledge that I could hold off on sharing this information for a few months until I wanted to talk about it.

We had a great visit, walked around town and parted ways the next morning after a perfect greasy breakfast.  I felt good- even with this slight change in the world.  My friend flew back to St. John's and I drove home.  Back to work and home, and my plan to tell the rest of my world in a few months.

And then five days later I told my mother.

And that's another story for another day.

 

 

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