6 Week Check In

What a difference six weeks can make.  It's been over a month since I started this journey in earnest.  Talking to people, coming out, sharing my story and trying to redefine what I'm doing and who I am.  It feels like forever ago sometimes when I first started to share.  It seems, sometimes that it was just yesterday.

I was reflecting (one of my new past times) about the whole process this past week, after I started to take a break from the whole idea of coming out.

Firstly, I was impressed that I was able to actually take a break.  When my therapist suggested that I think about scaling back, I thought it was an impossible task.  No way could I actually do it.  Never.  It was far too present and big for me to ignore.  I got irritated with the very thought that I could put this process on hold.

But, it seems that somehow I have.  The last couple of weeks have been all about work, getting stuff done, getting ready for fall and also a big push to relax.  Work has been insane, but it has been possible to kick back occasionally.

I'm currently dreaming about many other things- not just the gay thing.  It's an odd feeling, like I'm back to myself.

Four weeks ago I was terrified about thinking about anything else until I had solidified my new identity.  I should be looking into communities, lesbian groups, reading about gay-ness. 

Now, I feel like I'm getting back to who I really am, realizing that I don't need a brand new identity.  That the one I have is ok.  However, this feeling is usually fleeting.  Something to work on, I suppose.

Not quite sure when this hiatus from the whole thing will be over.  The thought scares me.  But it scares me even more to think I could get used to not thinking about it.

 

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