Family Disconnection

Everyone has those family members who you just don't connect with.  In my family I seem to have more than one.  I don't have issues with any of them particularly.  You know, they're just folks that I'm related to, and see on a semi regular basis.  When I see them we talk about the same shit.  They do the same stuff, share the same stuff.  More boring than anything else.

The majority of my family members who I have less than close relationships do not know about my coming out.  They are pretty much in the dark about this new development.  And no, I don't think that they know.  In fact, I would bet a significant amount of money that they are clueless about much of my life.  For most of these family members, they continue to treat me like a 12 year old.  I'm not so vain to think that it's because they think I'm immature, I think it more has to do with their vanity and lack of awareness in general.  It seems to be a pattern in their lives.

What I find interesting about this whole process is that during my big reveal, they weren't on the list of people to tell about my identity marker.  It never crossed my mind to tell them.  The reasons were many:

1. They wouldn't know how to react. 
2. No connection with them anyway, why start now?
3. The awkwardness.  Oh, the awkwardness.
4. They don't care.

Number four sounds harsh, but to be honest these few family members that I haven't told are navel gazers.  Not too interested in others, and definitely not interested in me. 

We have some relatives from out of town visiting (from very far away, visits happen usually every 1.5 years...with no talk in between).  And it has not even crossed my mind to tell them.  It doesn't hurt not to, it's not hurting to keep it secret.  And that surprises me.

I don't know how long I can keep it from all these relatives (which is probably a lot when I actually start to count it up).  But there is a part of me that doesn't really mind.  They'll find out and again, I would bet, they won't say anything.  They'll act like they always knew.  No big deal.  But since they rarely ask about myself I don't think I'm in danger of having my cover blown.

Part of me is sad that I don't have closer relationships with them, but on the other hand, I rarely get anything from them (in the form of support, etc.) so it really isn't a loss.

It's just interesting to think about.

One thing I am grateful for: not one of them would be vindictive about it.  And that's what I'm going to focus on.

I love my weird, narcissistically-minded family.  And I am not going to try and change it.

 

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