Making the Leap

The same day that I came out to my mom, Anderson Cooper completely stole my thunder.

He also made the move, whether by his own motivation, or because of the prodding of others.

What I find interesting about when those who are part of the GLTB community come out to everyone (sidenote: this whole assuming people are straight without them telling you is another issue I'm currently grappling with) is the ensuing conversations that happen.

All of a sudden we have people giving their opinion about those who are "closet-ed", and namely those who are famous and not sharing their gayness. On one side we have folks saying that folks like Anderson, Ellen, NPH and others have a responsibility to come out, as famous/powerful members of media. They're excited when folks come out and they continue success.

On the other side we have folks questioning the coming out of those in visible positions in media. Their motives are suspect, and all of a sudden accusations (or thinly veiled passive aggressive questions) start to roll out.

What I find interesting is not asking why did Anderson wait so long to tell everyone, but instead I'm asking myself: Why did it take him so long to feel safe to share?

It's hard not to compare to my own experience- coming out at 30 years old, one of my fears was that others were going to think that I was tortured over the last twenty years. That wasn't the case.

But up until the last few months, I was challenged when I it started to be something that I was hiding. It was scary to feel as though I couldn't "live with it" and keep it to myself. Prior to this I felt (or tricked myself? I don't know) like I could keep this part of my identity just for me- no concerns, no bad feelings. Then all of a sudden- BOOM - it started to feel less comfortable. It started to feel oppressive, uncomfortable and as though I was hiding something. I hadn't felt that before.

So did I come out because I felt pressure? Kind of. Am I resentful of the heternormativity that was part of my decision to come out? Um, hell yes.

I don't know. This whole idea that people should come out if they are in powerful position is something that I do understand. I get. I am aware of the power that silence brings. But why are we putting so much pressure on closeted famous/smart/powerful people? Why are we not looking to our hetero counterparts to take some responsibility for enforcing gendered stereotypes and assumptions? How about we stop creating the environment that continues to perpetuate a culture of needing to have people confirm that the assumptions of heterosexuality are mistaken?

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